The Genuine And Entertaining Diaries Of A Well-Known Woman Of Status. Written By Herself. volume 2.

A Comprehensive Reread of the Princess Diaries Books 20 Years After Their Initial Publication.

Not gonna lie, I powered through this one like I was Prince Phillipe of Genovia on a jet ski and the book was the glittering, blue Genovian sea and this song was playing in the background. Of course, Prince Phillipe's bald head would far outsparkle any level of brilliance the Azure Coast Coast has to offer. Anyway, let's hop off that jet ski and into the second volume of Meg Cabot's Princess Diaries Series, A Royal Disaster. This book in a lot of ways sets up the whole upcoming string of books; Mia gains a new stepfather and his pinball machine and drum kit, she finally puts into words her feelings for Michael, and she has her first misadventures with the press. I was somewhat surprised by the amount of narrative threads picked up in this book, but that was only because the whole Eggplant Scene™ is such an iconic one that it completely overshadowed all other aspect of the story in the past eighteen years that I spent reading some other books. Some of them. The vast majority of books remain unread for me, which is of course a source of tremendous anxiety. Let us start from the Eggplant Scene™and untangle the book from one of literature's best vegetable scenes right next to Mr Collins' Excellent Boiled Potatoes, which upon consideration is a wonderful band name.

Since Mia had nothing to confess on a Truth or Dare episode of Lilly's TV show, she is dared to 'drop an eggplant on to the sidewalk from her sixteenth-storey bedroom window' which Mia, after some consideration, accepts. The only thing she would have to confess are the series of massages from a mysterious secret admirer, which she doesn't want to, just in case they are coming from Michael. So she sneaks to the kitchen, and after a lovely chat with Drs Moscovitz – in which we learn that they are great fans of Helen Thermopolis's art, and one of her paintings, Woman Enjoying a Quick Snack at Starbucks is in fact hanging in their dining room – she is poised to drop the ill-fated eggplant.

There are enough street lamps on Fifth Avenue, where the Moscovitzes live, for us to see it as it plummeted downwards, even though it was night. Down and down the eggplant went, past the windows of all the psychoanalysts and investment bankers (the only people who can afford apartments in Lilly’s building) until suddenly – SPLAT! The eggplant hit the sidewalk.

When Mia, Lilly, Shameeka, Tina and Ling Su peer down from the window, a bystander almost spots them, but then Michael bursts in, grabs Mia by the waist and yanks her down from the window. He explains that hurling common garden vegetables out of high-rise windows is against the law, and chastises Lilly over wanting to publicize the Princess of Genovia acting so wildly irresponsibly. It is then implied that Michael's expertise on the topic comes from his experimentation with the earth's gravitational pull.

At this point Mia has already established that she's had a crush on Michael for a long time, but for the humble reader this is the scene that cements his character as the wholesome, soap-smelling weirdo he is.

But it’s very hard to pay attention when Michael tutors me. This is because he smells really, really good. How can I think about negative slopes when this guy I’ve had a major crush on since, oh, I don’t know, forever, practically, is sitting there right next to me, smelling like soap and sometimes brushing my knee with his?

See, Mia is only willing to throw the eggplant in the first place because of the stress her mother's pregnancy, the love letters she's been receiving, her botched interview with Beverley Bellerieve and the looming English assignment about a profound moment in one's life. Mia is procrastinating writing about her profound moment for about half of the book. She considers writing about a deep conversation with her dad about the weight of royal responsibilities, reconciling Phillipe and her mother after the uber fancy wedding fiasco, but then settles on having seen Michael at the breakfast table with a pyjama bottom and untied dressing robes.

The book closes on Grandmère’s and Vigo's glamorous – unintentionally – brideless and groomless wedding party. I have to admit the concept intrigues me deeply. I've always been alarmed by ceremonies, and even though I live with my partner, both of us are incompatible with weddings or marriage for that matter. I might just hire Vigo, Genovia's number one wedding organizer and commission him to throw a wedding party without me having to be present. But I digress. After the banquet – that is attended by Phil Collins so I always imagined the whole scene with glittering diamonds and ballgowns playing out to Son of Man with a montage of Helen, Mr Gianini and their unborn son eloping to Mexico – Mia rushes to a costumed Halloween screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show. She improvises a costume of Glinda the Good Witch with the help of Sarah, Duchess of York who fashions her a crown and a wand out of menus and crystal cocktail stirrers. Lars of course goes as James Bond. I love imagining the two queuing in a cinema line. Still to the Phil Collins song. Anyway, the costume scene – and the whole Hank becomes an underwear model subplot – is so good at easing the tension that the reader almost forgets that we're nearing the climax of the book and the confrontation with the secret admirer.

And with the secret admirer turning out to be Mia's long-term Biology lab partner, Kenny, Mia is getting yet another lesson in appreciating herself and maintaining her assertiveness in relation to underwhelming men. She struggles to say no to Kenny until the end of the third book! Mia is deeply uncomfortable with Kenny's hugs, flirting and him trying to pay for her meal to which Michael reacts with paying for Mia's and Lars' movie tickets, but since she doesn't say no, Michael has no other choice but to respect that. This is the same reverent patience Mr Darcy accepts Elizabeth Bennet's refusal with. Micheal's love for Mia is a wholesome example of patience and respect, and a kind of love that grows out of mutual interests, time having spent together and trying to appreciate, revere and value one another. In a sense he's waiting for Mia to learn to be herself and break up with Kenny. Because the more we're nearing the legendary romance moment that is the end of the third book, the more we realize that Michael very much loves Mia just they way she is; flat chested and royal.